Oh, believe me, I’m looking directly in the mirror as I ask this question. The Lord has enlightened me recently. My answered prayers came in the midst of trials, so I focused on the trials and missed the answers.
I’ve been longing for years to move back to Pennsylvania, my home state. Not that I didn’t love where I was living, whether it was Black Mountain, NC; Phoenix, AZ; or St. Charles, MO. I loved the travel and the people, making amazing friends and living in new places. It was just hard to be far away from my roots and only have once a year to squeeze in time with family and old high school and college friends. In September 2020, that prayer was answered. I could’ve never imagined the circumstances that surrounded the move, the testing and trials that came along with it.
The Lord answered that prayer, but in the process He started refining me. I’m talking like gold is refined in a fire. He is still burning away parts of me and it hurts like crazy and I don’t understand and I cry out to Him regularly for His help. He is such a good Father. He listens to my tears and my laments. He comforts me with His love. He reminds me through His Word and through my meditation time with Him what His truth is and how He’s walking with me every step of the way. He knows what my expectations were and His heart aches with me.
Expectations. What a dangerous word. I once had a wise music therapy mentor in Phoenix, AZ tell me that “the majority of disappointment in our lives comes from our expectations”. That’s one of those sticky phrases that I’ve never forgotten. Does that mean I’ll stop planning, stop working, stop wanting to evolve and make my life better? Never! But I will realize that the God Who breathed out the stars is much more capable than I am of stitching the pieces of my life into a beautiful work of art, beyond anything I can dream.
It’s difficult for me to express the quantum leap I’ve made in my relationship with my Father in the past 2 years. I’ve begun to live the words I’ve read in the Bible and believed, but really didn’t absorb into my being. I’ve heard so much through His Word, being back in relationship with His people, surrendering my gifts and talents to Him and allowing Him to use them as He will. One of the ways I've done this is starting a production company with His name attached to it. I'm writing custom songs, and simply following as He's leading. My Father's Music Production
I’ve come to actually enjoy sitting in the “beautiful pain” or the “painful beauty” that is life. I’m still finding joy in the simple things, like I always have, and welling up with gratitude to wake up to a sunrise one more day. I don’t take things for granted like I used to. I don’t feel as entitled. I am slower to anger and slower to take offense. I have more of the Lord’s joy and sometimes have giggle fits out of nowhere.
The Lord has brought me to a place of healing, restoration, and trust that is beyond words. In one of my prayer journals recently I wrote “I know, Lord, that you’re giving me the blessings I NEED before you’re giving me the blessings I WANT”. I am becoming more whole, more centered, more trusting, more giving, more surrendered. I’m still a work in progress. But I’m His work in progress, and I’m allowing Him to answer my prayers as only a good Father knows how.
Are you recognizing your answered prayers? Even in the midst of pain? I am praying for you, that He open your tear-stained eyes to His love and His goodness. His eye is on the sparrow, and He watches over you!